Stop Seeking and Start Finding: Create a Near-Perfect Life

“What could I say to you that would change your beliefs, except that perhaps you seek too much, that as a result of your seeking you cannot find. Simply put your asking the wrong questions."

'Don Macdonald - motivational speaker, open water marathon swimmer, and cardiac and resilience health advocate'.

I have a confession: I hate slowing down. When I finally let myself stop—being alone with my thoughts, vulnerable and open to the world—I become afraid.

I have another confession: There was a specific time in my life when went through a painful and scary situation. It almost broke me. And the only way I knew how to cope was to get back up. I didn't learn how to do this without years of practice, many failures and successes and good family and friends. 

Although not quite my circumstances, the story below hits the mark dead on.

Simply put: If times were hard, I ran.

I changed schools, moved to different cities, traveled to different countries, and found solace in running, a sport that calls for constant movement. I began seeking specifically for happiness: for the people, the place, and the situation that would help me find the “perfect life.”

I was a seeker who kept looking for happiness and different ways to “become a better person.” I was searching for a new life that would be “perfect” like the lives I saw on college campuses, TV shows, and Facebook feeds.

I believed my old life and my old self weren’t good enough, so I had to create a new life that would allow me to start over.

I pondered getting a Masters in global health, joining a rock band, writing a bestseller, running marathons, making music in West Africa, climbing mountains, and learning how to build lean-to’s.

I was convinced accomplishing any of these things would make me happy, make me feel deserving, and make me whole again.

A couple years passed by, and I slowly began to realize that no matter where I went, what I sought out, and the situations I was in, I was still the same exact person inside.

That’s when I realized if I wanted to find happiness, I had to first understand that the perfect life did not exist, and the acceptance of my past and my imperfections is what creates the near-perfect life. 

Most importantly, I had to find myself again, which meant I had to stop feverishly seeking.

We should all go after the things we want; we should be driven to chase after our dreams, embrace new challenges, and go on new adventures. But seeking often means deliberately searching for something that isn’t always meant to be there, or to simply run away from something that can truthfully never escape you.

By being too tunnel-visioned and too set on a goal—landing the “perfect” job, finding the “perfect partner,” or making the “perfect” group of friends—you may miss out on the less-obvious scenarios that are intended to fill your near-perfect life.

When on your journey to stop seeking, start finding, and create a life where you are whole-hearted, fulfilled, and accepting, take note of these tips:

Accept who you are. 

Know that your core self, and your emotions, outlook, and attitude, will follow you everywhere, no matter what situation you are in. Recognizing the beautiful and imperfect person you are is the first step towards accepting new challenges and allowing new experiences into your life.

Give yourself options. 

You may really want one thing—a specific job, a house in a certain part of the country, or certain fame or fortune. But if one of your dreams doesn’t come into fruition, maybe this means that another bigger and better dream is waiting for you. Don’t get discouraged, and allow yourself to be open.

Be vulnerable. 

Invite fear, uncertainty, and imperfection into your life. Once you fully open yourself up to the universe, it will allow you to see the incredible number of options for you, and let you try new things to help create the near-perfect life.

Meditate.  

Use meditation as a way to be with nothing but your present self. This helps you to slow down and stop seeking, to really get to know your true self and what you feel, want, and need.

Try again.  

Things don’t fall into place right away. There will be ten hardships before one celebration. Don’t give up. Be patient.

Don’t be stagnant.  

None of these tips mean you should stop moving completely and wait for life to work itself out on its own. Rather, it’s about finding a balance between learning what you want and inviting new opportunities, while recognizing that how you react to life’s situations is in your hands.

After nearly ten years of seeking, I found my near-perfect life in New York City, the one place I had once swore I’d never move to. I found an apartment with an old friend, and we rekindled a friendship from nearly five years prior. I discovered a support system of friends and family who were always there for me, and one company of hundreds I applied to hired me.

My time in New York has helped me uncover the happy spirit that was always within me—the spirit that once was simply too tired from my constant seeking to spread its light.

I’m still not very good at slowing down. I’m happiest when moving, when constantly trying to reach that next tier. But I’m also trying to slow down and breathe—to stop seeking for “better” and start finding myself, allowing my near-perfect life to meet me halfway.

Reprinted from Laura Schwecherl

July 4th Parade - A Lifetime of Friends, Family and fitness

Barrington Swim Club (BSC) and Masters Club (BAM) participate in annual Village parade walking to honor our country and also in support of our community.

220 Foundation and 'One Stroke at a Time' teamed up again handing our swim bracelets

Club participants, kids and families lining up for the parade

The personal price of My Journey to swim the English Channel

Recently, I was painfully reminded at a deep emotional level that only a parent can feel about the price one pays for taking this journey to swim the English Channel. 

Lets not kid each other, the time away in the water is time not spent with family, neighbors or friends. Even when your family and friends are kayaking alongside or taking the trip with you to some exotic place (Like Tampa, FL; Boston, MA or Dover UK), its still you, alone, swimming for hours in the water and them in the boat.

We Open Water Swimmers each have our own reasons and I carry with me the burden of mine everyday for taking this path. I will be the first to admit it has always been my dream to take this journey but so have many other things in my life and are equally important like my family, my daughter and friendships. We have hopes and aspirations not only for ourselves but for those around us, that maybe something positive can rub off on them by taking such journeys together? Sometimes its hard to tell if the value is learned? Sometimes the results aren't apparent for a long time. 

Using swimming, a singular team sport as a vehicle to teach self respect, kindness, courage, and humility I believe has strong value learned through setting long term goals, dedication and being resilient to deal with both the ups and downs of taking such a Journey.

Here are the ones taking this journey with me that I hope share in this learning opportunity?

What Is Resilience?

Resilience is going to work when you forget your socks after 5:30 am swim practice...

If Beaver of Leave it to Beaver were alive today it is likely he would not be doing so well. The increased stress, pressure and demands placed upon youth (and adults) might well result in Beaver experiencing multiple school and interpersonal problems. 


Yet the goals, dreams and wishes of Beaver’s parents and of previous generations are no different than of parents today. 


What is it most parents want for their children? Happiness, success in school, satisfaction with their lives and solid friendships quickly come to mind.


If we examine our parental goals it would not be an over-simplification to conclude that to realize these goals requires our children to possess the inner strength to deal competently and successfully day after day with the challenges and demands they encounter. Everything from simply forgetting ones socks in winter, injuring your shoulder in sports, not having the slickest cell phone or the most Facebook friends.


This capacity to cope and feel competent is referred to as resilience. Resilience embraces the ability of a child (or parent) to deal more effectively with stress and pressure, to cope with everyday challenges, to bounce back from disappointments, adversity and trauma to develop clear and realistic goals to solve problems, to relate comfortably to others and to treat oneself and others with respect. 


Simply being persistent and patient in ones efforts seems like a simple foundation?


Numerous scientific studies of children facing adversity in their lives have supported the importance of resilience as a powerful insulating force. Resilience explains why some children overcome overwhelming obstacles, sometimes clawing and scraping their way to successful adulthood while others become victims of their early experiences and environments.


Its too easy in today's world to go back home, when you forget your socks and give up!


My motto: One Stroke, One Day, One Step at a Time

An American Open Water Swimmer in Germany

The 'American in Paris' theme resonates as I recently traveled to Germany for work meetings and to meet with new colleagues.  Along with that came my first international search to discover places to swim.

This aquatic adventure expands further the dynamics of my journey to swim the English Channel and the many challenges that come with this commitment.

Apprehension of doing not only work in a new environment, not knowing where I was going most of the time, speaking barely any of the native language while still being comfortable with their cultural fundamentals coupled with pressure of meeting colleagues for the first, exchanging experiences, seeking collaboration and cooperation with a focus on developing new global business made finding a pool to let my mental exhaustion drift away One Stroke At A Time. In my professional life I solve clients challenges in sustainability, energy and environmental management systems. Akin to those old advertisements from the German company, BASF, my focused services do not 'make the product itself per say, but improve the quality and environmental management processes that make the product better'.

What does this have to do with swimming the English Channel you might be asking, plenty.

Like life, school or sport - seeking approval from your colleagues, wanting to be accepted as part of the team, a peer or expert in this case, wanting to offer something that will further the effort, win, get a new client. Doing this within the context of not knowing the language as well as English adds to the adventure and uncertainty. Thus being able to listen carefully, relax, be patient and allowing the activity to develop in front you while you keep the end goal in focus, never letting it out of your sight. Swimming long distances, especially in cold water, is like this. Your senses distract you at times from the goal, many hours of dull, mundane stokes, discomfort, pain at times all contribute.

These challenges are the same as any new cultural or educational experience. Being resilient to the challenge to understand that one miss-step is just that, a single event but to keep going. Both my excitement of returning to Europe for business and swimming here added much to the experience.

While I was 'on my toes’ professionally from sun up to well past sunset, I still had to find time to swim. So I was up at 5-5:30 a.m. well before anyone at the hotel. Packing my swim gear, work clothes just like home the night before. A new challenge faced me, with blurry morning eyes. WHERE IS MY COFFEE? Eating what Americans would consider odd foods for breakfast that seem more like lunch (meats and cheese) is a way of life. Great fresh organic foods and fruits come as well. What I found most challenging was trying to find small healthy snacks, my beloved bananas to take to the office. Since I each many smaller meals throughout the day, eating larger meals less often is very hard, I simple run out of energy.

All of these details were eventually figured out, I swam each day and was able to be relaxed and get the real work done.

I only wish it was summer and I could be outside in a wonderful alpine lake like those near Mondsee area outside Salzburg, Austria! Crystal clear cold and what scenery with a mere 8k across, perfect workout!.

Alas, its winter and the lakes are not open yet so the pool was what I had. A recently made friendship with a wonderfully kind German Expat and talented swimmer named Silke Jansson, who works for Siemens in South Barrington, Illinois (just south of my hometown) led me to a pool very near the global offices of my company just north of Frankfurt in Bad Vilbel. I had previously done Google searches for pools and discovered that in Germany this gets you spa and water park facilities. After Silke helped, I then discovered the best phrase to use is 'sport pools' and then I got somewhere. I also learned that in Germany they don't call pull buoys' and fins by these names or it could have been I was being incomprehensible. They are called, utensils? So I have now dragged my 'utensils' 10,000 miles round trip just to swim.

I ended the week as expected with reduced mileage only getting in 25,000 yards but the experience of swimming in a new land, finding a pool, getting to and from, finding the lockers all with little German language skills lacking on my part was fun. I didn't end up in the women's changing room. They have the same challenges we do, warder aerobics classes interfering with lap swimming, some share lanes and some swim in circles. They have water exercise classes for seniors and these pools are very warm.  I felt just like this past summers US 10k Open Water Nationals with water waters temperatures in the 80's, ouch.

Friends in far places!

Along the way I took side trip to Salzburg, Austria to see an old friend and business co-worker Armin Stein and his family. Jennifer, my wife, was able to come along for the short weekend preceding my business and we had a wonderful time, dinners with our wonderful host and sightseeing in Salzburg which probably could be one of our top spots in the world. We organized some new business possibilities so the trip was productive.

Jennifer and I enjoy Salzburg and the hours of walking. This below picture is taken looking down from the 'sound of music' theater (Felsenreitschule – formerly the summer riding school for the Lipizzaner) where the Trapp family sang in the movie. Today it is still used for opera and music festivals such as the world famous Salzburg Mozart festival. One they are building a retractable roof over it. For those Americans that readily don't know, Austrians are indifferent to the commercialized 'sound of music' tourist business and being a proud and private culture don't really care much for Americans Hollywood impressions this has left, except of course for the tourist revenue coming from visitors.

We left Salzburg on Sunday returning to Munich where Jennifer was heading back home and I continued by bullet train to Frankfurt to find my new pool, hotel and next weeks work.

Alcatraz, final prep swim in lake zurich before leaving

Got in another early morning swim in lake zurich. about 2 miles, water temp 66f, air temp 67f. I went by myself this time which is probably something I will need to deal with as I intend to swim until water temp goes below 55f and then perhaps switch to a wet suit. The more cold water time I can log the better. Also at some point I will need to add a safety kayaker when temps go below 60f as I really dont know what potential body reaction to hypotherma could be at this point.

Anyway, off to California and two days of 61f salt water training thursday and Friday before the event. Last time I did a 33 minute swim for the 1.2 miles but in a wetsuit. It will be very interesting to see how I do this time time wise.

Ohio Street Swim - Friday July 31, 2009

Had a nice afternoon swim in slight chop, water temp 67, clear day. Swam 2 miles at 30 minute mile pace and felt very relaxed, pulse steady at 130 and pulse at recovery (1 minute later) 110 beats per minute. Nice finish to the week.

Will try to sign up with BAM's Doug McConnell for a 2.4 miler in Madison in Mid August, should be a good lake swim and tune-up.

Looking forward to Alcatraz in September where 2 years ago I clocked 33 minutes in wetsuit (I know...wetsuit??, it was a first time) but this time going without. It will be interesting to see time difference and feel in the water?? May also do the Tiburon mile the next day if I can get signed in.

In the beginning....God made the earth, then God made man and man wanted to go for a swim

Welcome


I am inviting you to share (should you choose) in one of my life dreams - to swim the English Channel. Perhaps while sharing this journey we may both be inspired.

This journey while rigorous will be fun, filled with many ups and downs but ultimately no different than life itself. It is the journey that defines oneself.

Please know upfront five things are important to me: my family, my god, your friendship, my community and the journey. Everything else follows. I have the utmost respect to know the first four tenants of my journey lead to the last and this is why I ask for your support?


Lets answer that nagging question WHY? For a moment, open your mind to when you were young and dreamed. As you got older you began to ask yourself, Why ......(you fill in the blank)? Seeking knowledge may have been your answer but deeper, wasn't there more? And today your wise enough to know it is the journey that matters as the result is a forgone conclusion to a successful journey?


For me "why" is simple - Can I swim across the English Channel? Asking"why" presumes you have an outcome, end or result already in mind otherwise why ask the question? Its the "how" that matters isn't it?


My journey is to fulfill one of my life long dreams - swimming the English Channel. It began many years ago when my parents signed me up for swim lessons in Indiana. Their desire to raise their kids in small town America was strong and grew from their up-bringing in rural Midwest states. Later they signed me up for the local swim club with the usual parental desire of helping their child become a better person by learning "life skills" via a sport that creates this opportunity through personal focus, challenge and team work. Thus my journey began and I didn't even know it?


So here are the first steps of my plan.

This blog will be the central place to update folks on where I am in this journey and to hopefully receive feedback. Ultimately I hope to incorporate charitable and maybe even sponsorship features.

During this investigation phase getting the logistic's understood and time table is key. I am already swimming an average 20,000 yards per week (11 miles for you land lubbers) but this is just the beginning. I need to do this for a year to get the base needed and then increase up to 38,000 yards as the event nears. I am gathering input from many places, former channel swimmers, teammates on the local Masters swim club - some of whom are really good coaches and swimmers in their own rite, doctors, physiologists, etc. I am seeking the advice from actual channel experiences to formulate the road map.

Physical preparation is a two year effort and will have many hard tests just to check on progress, give myself an at ta-boy once and awhile and to ensure I scale-up correctly. In this early stage, I plan for one month of work for each mile but this will change as advice warrants. I would like to devise milestones along the way that build endurance, physical, cold water and mental experiences into the journey. For this I plan to seek input from those who have come before me like Marcia Cleveland, multi-time channel swimmer and author of Dover Solo who lives here locally among others.

Weather is a huge part of the equation during the swim and this I cannot control unless Poseidon or Oceanus decide to help. I will continue to swim in all types of good and bad weather, day or night and wavy or calm as I understand the channel can change very quickly.

The cold is another key factor and this requires steady acclamation leading up to the event. Warm showers are a thing of the past and finding cold swims 56f + are preferred. This will mean early spring and late fall practices in nearby Lake Michigan.